Even Cowgirls Get the Blues

Time Well Spent

2010-02-17T11:21:00.000-08:00

It's tax season, and 2009 is the first year I was entirely self-employed. My status as a freelance has created a situation that I wasn't fully appreciating until now - Tax Time.

The business side of the freelance coin is difficult to manage and empowering. I am lucky enough to have a very consistent nearly full-time freelance job

which is ideal for me. I'm working all the time. Great. The personal side of freelancing is the real draw for me, because I'm able to spend so much time with my boy. The struggle for working parents, the balance between money for bills and living life with our kids is a constant point of anxiety. It's an impossible choice for most people, and I'm so happy that I'm able to truly do both.

So as I'm analyzing my year month-by-month, line by line, I can see all the work I did and remember all the happy rewards. Tons of cabin time...

An amazing and unforgettable camping trip to the Superior National Forest with my honey, my small man, my mom and the happiest wolf in the mid-west...

My first duathlon with my best friend, my first half-marathon, Jack's big marathon debut, and a 150-mile bike ride which raised tons of money for a great cause and taught me a lot about myself, what it means to really be tired and to fight hard for something...

...and in the midst of all this, we built a brand new garage and created a new beautiful backyard with the help of some very generous and lovely friends and neighbors.

So at a time when I could dwell on the checks I will write, I choose instead to focus on the beauty of a year's worth of time well spent.

Racing Day

2008-10-02T14:12:00.000-07:00

Looking back, it was January 21st when I wrote a note about getting back into running. Finally, on October 11th, I'm running a race. My very first. It's in Ashland, Wisconsin, a place I've never been to but about which I've heard fantastic things. Beautiful. We're staying on Madeline Island which I'm also told is one of the most picturesque and charming locations in the midwest, if not the world. I'm so excited. I thought I would be nervous, but it's more anticipatory thrill than anything else.

The butterflies are, I'm finding out, vital to the process because they wake me up at 6:30 am to get my ass out of bed and get my feet on the sidewalk. They push me past the first big hill into the previously allusive "zone" of running. Don't misunderstand, I am not one of those people who will tell you "It's a peaceful experience, and once I start I feel like I could run for hours". No way. It hurts, and it's hard, and I kind of want to stop all the time. But once I stopped stopping, it got really good. And it feels fantastic to know that I can just keep going and I won't actually die.

So 9 days from now I'll be done and surely feel amazing and almost certainly will have caught the race bug. At least that's my hope. Knee health be damned!! If it all works out maybe I can post a picture of my post-race self. Red-faced and sweaty. Hopefully smiling. Not dead.

The moon is out, that means it's time for night-night.

2008-09-08T12:35:00.000-07:00

I know, Moms annoy the hell out of you with their kid stories, but seriously ... last night, at my lovely sister-in-law's birthday dinner, my 2 year-old busted out with that gem. He looks outside, points his tiny finger at the sky, and sings "The moon is out, that means it's time for night-night". You would die too. Admit it. Look at him....
So aside from adoring my child, I've been searching for new work lately, which is mostly depressing and exhausting, but also exciting and fun. I'm having trouble resigning and settling into the fact that I'm not working, and just enjoying that fact. It's a source of constant low-level anxiety. Not a good kind of anxiety to have. The important thing is to find a position, or some freelance work, before Jack gets laid off his plumbing gig. The two of us unemployed at one? That would be bad. Fun, but dangerously underfunded fun.

Speaking of cheap fun, Jack and I went camping on the Gunflint Trail outside of Grand Marais a few weeks ago. We had the best time ever. No kidding. Hiked, biked, collected wood, cooked over our own little campfire, tented; it was awesome. We had so much fun we only took one picture. Well, one picture I can publish at least...

The good news is, it's fall. All my favorite sweeties are having birthdays left and right. Weddings, too! My very close friend of almost 20 years, JoEllen, is getting married toward the end of the month in Red Wing. Should be a great time, especially considering she's the most creative woman I know, and doing everything herself. Can't wait.

So happy September, Happy Birthday everyone (weird, isn't it? How many people have birthdays this month? It's sick!) and Happy Marriages to all. Send me some good job-hunting vibes, if you will, and help me accentuate the positives of my current situation.

UPDATE

2008-06-09T14:00:00.000-07:00

See below. That cute ring broke after wearing it 1 time. No longer my favorite website. I'm returning it. The dress, however, is fantastic.

2008-04-23T09:18:00.000-07:00

I just bought these amazing pieces from my new favorite website. southmoonunder.com They have beautiful clothes and bright, funky jewelry. A lot of it is out of my price range, but big big sales abound! Enjoy, ladies. And free shipping over $150. Call it my new house purchase, 1 of 30.

Another day, another dollar

2008-04-18T09:56:00.000-07:00

I'm not going to be another person complaining about gas prices. I will, however, be another person making drastic lifestyle changes to drive much less and use less of that unbelievably expensive fuel. Riding my bike to work is one. It's 7 miles, no big deal. I can only do it on certain days when I don't pick my son up from school, but even that will make a difference. It's a thrill, I arrive home feeling refreshed and full of energy for the evening, and I have to admit I'm smiling with self-pride when I cruise past car after car on the way home.

Besides being the safest thing on 4 wheels, the thing I love most about my car is a mileage calculator that constantly updates itself as you drive. So when i do drive, I'm maneuvering and adjusting my acceleration and coasting techniques to keep that number as high as possible. It's a fun game, serving my brain, pocketbook, and world.

My boy is a world-appreciating inspiration to me. When he has a choice, which is most of the time, he wants to be outside. He plays with sticks for hours. No kidding. It's a huge thrill! And he likes to find sticks that are shaped like letters. Constantly challenging himself, that boy. So we walk around the yard, the neighborhood, the park. We ride bikes in the driveway, he coasts in the Burley around town, and he couldn't be happier about it. Take cues from the little ones, people. Outside is where it's at. We need no other stimulation than the world around us.

This week I'm also taking cues from some of my adult lady-friends. I've been told I'm a good listener, but it's not all selfless. I do want to help and offer advice or comfort, but I'm also absorbing and analyzing everything so I can use it toward my own personal growth. I learn lessons every single day, about relationships, work, family, and the delicate balance of social interaction. It's truly invaluable. So to all my pals out there, thanks for talking!!

Decision Time

2008-02-27T10:02:00.000-08:00

I'm getting really close to putting an offer on a house. It's some serious business. I have been planning for it for a long time, and I've been looking for a few months, and now is the time. I've narrowed it down, and I've made a decision. I have a bunch of paperwork and forms to complete, and loan finalization, etc, but that's entirely secondary to the big issue. Soon enough there will come a day when I have to sit down in a room, and sign those papers. All by myself. Just me. I'll own a house that's just mine. The prospect is pretty scary, actually. I have gotten some good advice, the most important of which is "go with your gut". That's what I"m going to do! Wish me luck, and the wisdom to make the right decision and never look back.

You can't go fast if you go too slow so GO GO GO GO!

2008-01-21T14:07:00.000-08:00

I used to say to people "I'm a runner. I run!" with the pride of an accomplished athlete, as though I'd won competitions, or at least participated in A Competition. I didn't, but I was proud anyway. Running is hard. Don't let anyone tell you any differently. When you start to run, it's hard. But once you make it past the first week, or the first few miles, it gets so much better, and then it's fun and mile for mile the best exercise out there.

I ran for fun in the hills of Elk River, and then I ran to lose the weight I gained with my pregnancy. Worked like a charm. However, once I lost the weight, I moved, and without a parent partner living in my house to watch the tot, I stopped running, and haven't started again in a regular pattern. It's the figurative and literal hill in front of me, and I'm determined to climb it to feel that perfect running feeling again. Not to mention the runner's ass. That's something I also miss.

The end game of this whole thing will be a race. And to quote the Backyardigans...."Whoever is the first around will get to make that victory sound."

Climate Shock

2008-01-14T17:10:00.000-08:00

I realize my only two entries have related to weather. Purely coincidence.

I recently took a trip to the beach in Mexico with my mom, her husband, and my toddler, Ben, who is weeks away from 2. He got pretty ill before we left, delaying our departure by a few days, and forcing us to fly alone, without the assistance of Grandma and Grandpa. Not the first time I've flown alone with him, but the first time since he was young enough to take a long nap and find distraction in animal crackers. It was one of the biggest challenges of my mom-patience so far, 4 hours in one seat with a cranky tot still fighting a lung infection. But we made it, thanks to The Backyardigans, my Mac, and tiny trucks.

Once we arrived, the sight of his grandma and grandpa changed his tune entirely, and from that moment on he was the happiest I've seen him since....summer. Which lead me to this conclusion: Ben is solar too! I figured as much, since this perfect creature is much like me in all the best ways. During the daylight hours he was walking, running! outside, playing in the sand, and watching the waves. Happy boy on the beach.

The joy of this trip for me was, besides watching Ben enjoy himself, was the down time. The closed-eyes laying on the beach in the sun, the slow walks around the resort grounds, and most of all, the reading. I devoured two books during my trip. The first was basically a waste of time. My sweet boyfriend got me the book for Christmas, so I felt obligated to read it. Awful book. Honestly a waste of time and money. Ellen DeGeneres, while usually witty and clever, cannot write. The second book, after hearing rave reviews for months and never landing a copy, was The Kite Runner. A Mazing. Believe what you hear, and read it. Storytelling at it's best.

Upon my return, the temperature is 1, and we're in the throws of winter. I can take it, though. My soul is restored, recharged, and ready. And now begins the tri-weekly struggle to get my son to take his tubby.

I'll Follow The Sun

2007-10-30T13:56:00.000-07:00

I am solar. My mood and energy is directly related to the amount of sunshine I experience in a day. I know I'm not alone in this, a lot of people feel better when it's sunny, feel sad during the drab winter, and feel pulled outside on nice days. I wouldn't go so far as to say I have the dreaded Seasonal Affective Disorder, since I'm actually not blue in the wintertime, haven't yet purchased a sun lamp, and don't max out my credit card for a beach trip each winter. I simply feel extra happy to be living my life when there's a brigh sun in a clear blue sky. Like today. An unbelievable day. It's nearly November, and I'm walking around town in a t-shirt. My boy is playing outside in the leaves. The dog is basking in the backyard, with absolutely no interest in coming inside. This sunny day puts those things in the forefront, and lets my unemployment, lack of permanent address, and single parenthood stress all fall to the back, where they actually belong. Too often I let myself obsess over the planning, interviewing, house-hunting mess when I should actually be focusing on the fact that right now, I have absolutely everything I need.